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| Bible Explained - |
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Topsider
 Posted:
Mon May 05, 2008 6:19 pm |
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Bible Explained
In case you're a little foggy about some things
"In the beginning, which occured near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord they God is one ,' but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said give me a light and someone did. Then God made the world. He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were drven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though cause they didn't have cars.
"Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel. One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy but one of his kids was kind of a ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it. He ask some other people to join him but they said they would take a raincheck.
"Another important Bible guy was Moses whose real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs. mice, lice, bowels and no cable. Then he gave them his top ten commandments. These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance or covet your neighbors bottom. Also humor thy father and Mother
"One of Moses best helpers was Joshua, who was the first guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town. After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Soloman who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. I heard he was wise. That doesn't sound very wise to me.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of the new Testament. Jesus was born in a barn in Bethlehem. I wish I was born in a barn cause Mom was is always saying "close the door, were you born in a barn?" It would be nice to say yes as a matter of fact I was"
"During his life Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans." Jesus also had twelve oppossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil they named a terrible vegetable after him.
"Jesus was a great man he healed many leopards and preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead."
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up to Heaven, but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His story is fortold in the book of Revolution."
The above was explained by a few kids. Now you understand it. 
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Joined: 08 Dec 2007
Posts: 2203
Location: On Hiatus Beach
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| Tonk
Posted:
Wed May 07, 2008 11:42 pm |
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Joined: 25 Jul 2006
Posts: 920
Location: pray for rain
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| Harry C.
Posted:
Wed May 14, 2008 3:29 pm |
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cute.
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**Deactivated ... Previously banned*
Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 21
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