Saying goodbye to Butterscotch on Friday..my gallant fighter

I am not sure what to say or do or feel. Many of you followed my journey with Butterscotch'es illness's and his story, not sure if i postd the whole thing, so i will here.

My fighter, the cat that worked with me for years to keep him comfortable while fighting two chronic conditions and never gave up even during pneumonia crises..well..today i took him to the vet since he wasn't eating that much, had lost weight..and he called with the grim news that he has a large mass in his abdomen. He is home now with a dose of hydromorphone and a fentanyl patch which will keep him pain free for a few days. Friday i take him to give him the last gift i can, i will let him go and run free at the rainbow bridge.

7 years ago there was a message on my machine when i came home from work, a woman saying I did not know her but a store owner gave her my number. She had fed an abandoned cat for a couple of years but was now moving and tried to have it put down that day, became overcome with guilt and rescheduled for the next. The store owner told her i might take him since i am crazy about cats and would i.

Needless to say i called back and was at her house within the hour. She warned me he was a biter - true - and thus butterscotch entered my life. Little did i know what was to come. He wasn't the most affectionate cat, he had been a tom until our first day together and was about 7 so pretty set in his ways. We tussled once in a while, he wanted his way and i wanted mine and didn't appreciate bits and he was more a presence than a bed cat or a cuddle cat. 4 years ago or 5..time runs together, he developed a deadly gut infection that landed him in ICU for 3 days and emptied the pocket book. Interestingly though, since he needed nursing and attention when he came home..still very ill.. he started to enjoy pets and cuddles. No more bites. He recovered and we both were happy except he was also diagnosed with diabetes, so blood tests and insulin twice a day.

Then one christmas to feral kittens were brought in (they looked like 3 months but were 6 months, braveheart and sweetheart) and had numerous eye infections, diahrreah etc. but all went well..then i noticed that almost all the cats were having silly little infections, minor eye ones or a sniffle and butterscotch got pneumonia. Turned out the girls had feline herpes and passed it on, not a big deal for most but the respiratory form is chronic and scootch got it bad. Couldn't give him steroids to break up the gunk so had to find a human med which i did and asked the vet to prescribe it, and then changed his antibiotic to another stronger one bc i didnt like the first (there was a bacterial component too). inhalation treatments with a nebulizer, meds, sub q fluids and percussion he turned around and got better but every few months he got a bout of bad pneumonia which he recovered from in a week or so with the same treatment. Then i noticed he actually was far better after pneumonia than he had been for a month or so before and we went on a 2 week antibiotic 1 week off which stopped the majority of pneumonia bouts but he still had the asthmatic/bronchial breathing which i treated symptomatically. Overall he was like a kid with asthma which flared up 2 or 3 times a year and after 2 years i didnt even need the inhalation treatments for him

By this time he and I were so close, he slept on the pillow next to me in bed with his head on my hand. Kay decided to sleep on the couch bc it was better for her back..but i knew the truth..she did not want to disturb butterscotch. In summer she brought her own bedroom air conditioner for my room so scootch wouldn't get overcome by the heat with his respiratory issues.

Butterscotch fought every hurdle he faced, went into diabetic remission twice, once after 6 months and once after 9 months (just a while ago actually). He faced pneumonia and got better and in between enjoyed his walks in the garden and his life as a leisurely man. When he needed some intervention or help he got it and he never fussed, fluids were important because any dehydration made his mucus thicker and harder to breathe. He just lay on the bed when i hung the IV bag and put the needle under his skin, after about 125 ml he would try and get up. I finally realized i didnt have to watch the bag, he told me when it was enough.

He became more affectionate, more cuddly and he and i have a closeness thats hard to describe. Nursing an animal and balancing quality of life vs illness for a few years leaves your feelings even more exposed than normal. I always said to the vet and to him "he is not going to die of pneumonia, its a stupid thing to die of if i can support his body til he can get better". With a compromised immune system he always did and in ways that i had no doubt it was the right thing to do..he loved his life except for those bouts.

I can't beat cancer though..even if i could afford to, it would not be a good quality of life for him, and at his age it would net him very little decent time. So i will cuddle him tonight, tomorrow and thursday and then take him on his last journey..letting him go to sleep in my arms, on my lap.

I will miss him so.