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| Beth Twitty "Poetry" - Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3 Next |
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Heli
 Posted:
Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:44 pm |
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I once loved a man very much
My heart would flutter at his touch
Then he took up my hand
Told me what he had planned
It's then I found out he was Dutch
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Transcription Goddess
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 23518
Location: Puffed Up DimWit
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| Heli
Posted:
Thu Jul 27, 2006 11:52 pm |
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Hey, Pax, you are really a nut;
What you write, some would say is just smut,
But I think it's great style,
If it brings me a smile,
And it pulls out a laugh from my gut.
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Transcription Goddess
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 23518
Location: Puffed Up DimWit
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| pax
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 12:03 am |
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^ Moi? Mon dieu, madame!
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 16341
Location: Wish You Were Here
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| Hoosiergal
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 1:24 am |
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Let me tell you a ditty of one Bamee bitty
who schemed and connived her scam senseless and silly.
She ran up the bar tabs and catered to Brookie Fabs
while she exposed herself in TV spots that made her look silly.
The lies became mountains and out came the fountain
of tears from those dried up collections...
Tossed aside by Mamana, Dear Phil and the lawyers
Inflated lips and a boob job became her newfound affections.
Funds stashed away safely in her Canadian haven
More and more that Twitty personified that of a raven.
Her claws and her feathers in uproar and rustled
And her beak spitting venom of hatred needs muzzled!
As our story summizes, we ask who gives a hoot?
There's only one answer----can y'all hear Bigfish's TOOT TOOT!!!???!!
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Joined: 18 Apr 2006
Posts: 189
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| Nena
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 4:29 am |
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(with apologies to Poe)
Once upon a midnight dreary, while she partied, drunk and weary,
with many of quaint and curious girlfriends named the fabulous four,
While she partied, alcohol slinging, suddenly there came a ringing,
As of someone frantically calling, calling on her phone galore.
"Natalee is missing," someone muttered, "missing from her hotel floor"
We're not in kansas anymore.
Ah, distinctly she would say, it was the last of May,
And she exclaimed, she had the claim, of only a few hours to Aruba she must flee...
Eagerly she boarded the plane; leaving poor Dave out in the rain..
With her pretense of sorrow, sorrow for the lost Natalee,.
For the virginal and pure maiden whom this mother named Natalee
And the fate of Nat uncertain rustling behind the wizard's curtain
Thrilled her---filled her with fantastic thoughts never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of her heart, she stood repeating,
"'Tis some runaway stunt she's pulling, wait till I catch that little whore"
Some blue eyed dutchman had enticed her, enticed her to stay in Oz for more.. .
We're not in kansas anymore.
Presently her nerve grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
"Joran," said she "the wherabouts of my daughter I implore;
But the fact is, Nat was napping, and so illegally you came lapping,
And so criminally, you came rapping, rapping at her virginal door,
That she certain was sure she heard him." I left her at the hotel door"
We're not in Kansas anymore
Deep into the darkness peering, long she stood there, wondering, fearing
Concocting , scheming schemes no mortals ever dared to scheme before;
But the silence became awoken, and Joran's chest he pounded broken ,
"What do you want me to do!" spoken were his arrogant words,
Where's Natalee! This she shouted, and an echo murmured back the words,
"Where's Natalee!"
We're not in Kansas anymore
Back into the posse turning, all her anger within her burning,
Soon again she felt the stirring, even stronger than before,
"Surely," said she, "surely, that is something to elevate my status.
Let me see, then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore.
Let my mind connive a moment, and this mystery milk for more.
" we're not in kansas anymore."
At Carlos 'n charlies,she flung the shutter, and with many a flirt and strutter,
In there stepped the fabulous seven, of the Mountain Brook yore.
Not the least obeisance made they; for many a drink stopped and stayed they;
But with mien of lord or lady, they chose the target of their abhor
Fixated with the son of Paulus, refused to consider anyone more,
Fixated, and drunk, and nothing more.
Then this bitchy beth beguiling the media into doing her whiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance she wore,
"Though Natalee be shorn and shaven," Jug said, "surely she is not a craven,
Ghastly, grim, and evil Joran, wandering from the nightly shore.
Tell me what you did to Natalee on the Night's Arubian shore."
Quoth Gentle Joran, "Nothingmore."
Much she dispised this ungainly youth to hear discourse so plainly,
Gave his answer little meaning, little relevancy bore;
For she cannot help agreeing that no living Natalee being
Ever would be blessed with seeing donations sent to her door,
Nat would be the beast of burden upon donations at her door,
Unless Natalee was "Nevermore."
And Beth Twitty, sitting lonely on Natalee's bed, spoke only
That one word, as if her soul in that one word she did outpour.
Nothing but money did she utter; not a hint she did flutter;
Nor she scarcely dared not mutter, "Natalee has flown before;
On the morrow medjet will leave me, but let my monies be grown before."
Then Beth Twitty said, "money money,forevermore."
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Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 1441
Location: 4° C
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| pax
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:13 am |
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We've got some great parodists here.
            
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 16341
Location: Wish You Were Here
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| MoonShadows
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:37 am |
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So much talent here!
I agree!
Great 
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**Deactivated**
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 1736
Location: In front of my laptop, silly!
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| Heli
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:45 am |
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| pax wrote: | | ^ Moi? Mon dieu, madame! |
Oui, monsieur -- TOI
Tu es certainement magnifique !! Bravo !!
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Transcription Goddess
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 23518
Location: Puffed Up DimWit
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| portia
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:52 am |
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With apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning...
How can I scam thee? Let me count the ways.
I scam thee to the depth and breadth and height
My greed can reach, I'm keeping it in sight
For the means to the end I'm in this race.
I scam thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet greed, by lies in camera light.
I scam thee freely, I know that I am Right;
I scam thee purely, I earned the highest Praise.
I scam thee with a passion put to use
In my false griefs, and with my daughter gone
I scam thee with a scam I will not lose
With all my might -- I scam thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if G-d choose,
I shall scam thee better after Nat.
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Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 819
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| woebegone
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 7:41 pm |
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'Twas May 31st, 2005
On the Isle of Aruba, a posse did arrive ;
Beth Twitty and friends, in the stealth of the night;
Went looking for Joran, hoping to give him a fright.
Paulus and children were all snug in their beds,
Beth told the posse…”we’ll tell them we’re Feds”;
Beth in her low cuts, and Jug in his leather,
Came looking for Natalee…they knew where to get her,
When out in the drive the sirens were screaming,
At first Paulus thought..I must be just dreaming.
Away to the front yard, Paulus did go
Just who are these people, he wanted to know.
The moonlight was shining on the posse that night
and Paulus could see, these people came for a fight.,
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But an Alabama posse, smelling of beer
With Jug Twitty as leader, he had round up his heard,
Paulus told Joran...Now don’t say a word!
More rapid than eagles this posse they came,
Jug hollered, and shouted, and acted insane;
"Now, Joran! now, Satish! now, Paulus and Deepak!
We’ve come to your island to take Natalee back!
We don’t plan on leaving till we meet our goal;
We’re the FBI, you Aruban asshole!"
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Resigned
Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 1243
Location: awaiting deactivation
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| chillin
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 7:46 pm |
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| woebegone wrote: | 'Twas May 31st, 2005
On the Isle of Aruba, a posse did arrive ;
Beth Twitty and friends, in the stealth of the night;
Went looking for Joran, hoping to give him a fright.
Paulus and children were all snug in their beds,
Beth told the posse…”we’ll tell them we’re Feds”;
Beth in her low cuts, and Jug in his leather,
Came looking for Natalee…they knew where to get her,
When out in the drive the sirens were screaming,
At first Paulus thought..I must be just dreaming.
Away to the front yard, Paulus did go
Just who are these people, he wanted to know.
The moonlight was shining on the posse that night
and Paulus could see, these people came for a fight.,
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But an Alabama posse, smelling of beer
With Jug Twitty as leader, he had round up his heard,
Paulus told Joran...Now don’t say a word!
More rapid than eagles this posse they came,
Jug hollered, and shouted, and acted insane;
"Now, Joran! now, Satish! now, Paulus and Deepak!
We’ve come to your island to take Natalee back!
We don’t plan on leaving till we meet our goal;
We’re the FBI, you Aruban asshole!" |
THIS IS GREAT!!!!!!!!!
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On dE bUs.....
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Posts: 4092
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| statinmyopinion2
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:05 pm |
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| woebegone wrote: | 'Twas May 31st, 2005
On the Isle of Aruba, a posse did arrive ;
Beth Twitty and friends, in the stealth of the night;
Went looking for Joran, hoping to give him a fright.
Paulus and children were all snug in their beds,
Beth told the posse…”we’ll tell them we’re Feds”;
Beth in her low cuts, and Jug in his leather,
Came looking for Natalee…they knew where to get her,
When out in the drive the sirens were screaming,
At first Paulus thought..I must be just dreaming.
Away to the front yard, Paulus did go
Just who are these people, he wanted to know.
The moonlight was shining on the posse that night
and Paulus could see, these people came for a fight.,
When, what to his wondering eyes should appear,
But an Alabama posse, smelling of beer
With Jug Twitty as leader, he had round up his heard,
Paulus told Joran...Now don’t say a word!
More rapid than eagles this posse they came,
Jug hollered, and shouted, and acted insane;
"Now, Joran! now, Satish! now, Paulus and Deepak!
We’ve come to your island to take Natalee back!
We don’t plan on leaving till we meet our goal;
We’re the FBI, you Aruban asshole!" |
I nominate this as the NUMBER 1 post ...................in this thread!!
WAY TO GO!
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HMI, we are still watching you!
Joined: 25 Mar 2006
Posts: 2308
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| likestoflap-lol
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:30 pm |
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i can hardly wait till xmas ---maybe then we can tell beth ho-ho-ho-! loved your story !
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** Banned **
Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 2433
Location: at the mall buying purple sandals to meet clients -oh my~!
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| skepticynic
Posted:
Fri Jul 28, 2006 8:39 pm |
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I really do appreciate the fact you're sittin' here
Your voice sounds like a gravel truck
And your face don't look too clear
So, Barmaid, bring a pitcher, another round of brew
Honey, why don't we get drunk and screw.
[Chorus:]
Why don't we get drunk and screw
I have got a big back seat set up for me and you
They say you are a snuff queen, Honey, I don't think that's true
So, why don't we get drunk and screw.
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Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 1341
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| chillin
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 8:28 am |
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I hope Beth and Dave read these things
If they do
Dear Beth and Dave through out all of this I've seen you both mention many times that you're christians. Christian = Christ like. I do hope you both reach a point where you can get back your closeness I'm sure you both had prior to this with God. Right now with all this hatred you have within you neither of you are holding fast to Gods words.
The bible says to judge not lest ye be judged and yet you both have judged many. Condemned many..accused many. Thats bearing false witness. The bible says that 'revenge is mine sayeth the Lord' yet you seek revenge for yourselves. Do you not trust God to determine right and wrong?
The bible says to love your neighbors yet you want your neighbors boycotted. Thats not love thats hate.
Mrs. Twitty as you give each of those children (if this happen) a prayer bracelet did you think of them? Did you tell them that a 'mean man' was on their island that could harm them? If so did you also tell them that you came to boycott...to destroy their island, to take away the jobs of their folks..to steal food from their mouths? Did you?
I pray for your loss, not just the loss of your beautiful daughter but for the loss of your ability to give a sh** about others. I pray you stop allowing the pain to guide you and start letting your hearts lead you. Only then will the truth be allowed to come and the lies to go. God Bless.
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On dE bUs.....
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Posts: 4092
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| BarneyV
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 9:55 am |
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"Boycott Aruba!" is the slogan of the day.
Without any tourists, the Island will decay.
But somewhere; not in Bama,
Natalee's mean ole mama
Lives the life of Riley, while her family ties do fray.
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Joined: 13 Apr 2006
Posts: 319
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| ~kaRN
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:29 pm |
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My daughter was gang raped this I know
For my journal tells me so
Drugged and hidden , full of crack
This I'll blame on poor Deepak
Yes my daughter is a virgin
No my daughter ain't no ho
Sure we are entitled, my journal tells me so
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Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Posts: 3499
Location: Behind this guy!
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| chillin
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:32 pm |
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| ~kaRN wrote: | My daughter was gang raped this I know
For my journal tells me so
Drugged and hidden , full of crack
This I'll blame on poor Deepak
Yes my daughter is a virgin
No my daughter ain't no ho
Sure we are entitled, my journal tells me so
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lmao!
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On dE bUs.....
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Posts: 4092
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| Heli
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:33 pm |
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Very clever KaRn! I loved it !
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Transcription Goddess
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 23518
Location: Puffed Up DimWit
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| WangChung
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:38 pm |
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I'm not much of a poet so if anyone could help me locate words that rhyme with "bar rag", "drunkard", "prostitute", "vile", "horrible plastic surgery", "vodka", "warm beer" and "liar" I would appreciate it.
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Everybody Have Fun Tonight
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 11527
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| chillin
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:39 pm |
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| WangChung wrote: | | I'm not much of a poet so if anyone could help me locate words that rhyme with "bar rag", "drunkard", "prostitute", "vile", "horrible plastic surgery", "vodka", "warm beer" and "liar" I would appreciate it. |
Oh God help me..I spit tea everywhere with that one..hahahhahahahaha
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On dE bUs.....
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Posts: 4092
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| chillin
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:41 pm |
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Oh and Wang Chung the word is "Beth" it doesn't rhyme though but it fits
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On dE bUs.....
Joined: 18 Jul 2006
Posts: 4092
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| ~kaRN
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 2:41 pm |
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Dank u both! This is FUN! LOL
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Joined: 30 Mar 2006
Posts: 3499
Location: Behind this guy!
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| portia
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 3:01 pm |
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| WangChung wrote: | | I'm not much of a poet so if anyone could help me locate words that rhyme with "bar rag", "drunkard", "prostitute", "vile", "horrible plastic surgery", "vodka", "warm beer" and "liar" I would appreciate it. |
Wang,
No need for rhyme. If you add a few more words to your list, you can easily compose a Haiku...
(three syllables) Prostitute
(five syllables) Slut who drinks warm beer
(seven syllables) Horrible plastic surg'ry
(five syllables) Drunkard prostitute
(three syllables) Vile bar rag
How's that?
Last edited by portia on Sat Jul 29, 2006 3:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 819
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| WangChung
Posted:
Sat Jul 29, 2006 3:05 pm |
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| portia wrote: | | WangChung wrote: | | I'm not much of a poet so if anyone could help me locate words that rhyme with "bar rag", "drunkard", "prostitute", "vile", "horrible plastic surgery", "vodka", "warm beer" and "liar" I would appreciate it. |
Wang,
No need for rhyme. If you add a few more words to your list, you can easily compose a Haiku...
(three syllables) Prostitute
(five syllables) Slut who drinks warm beer
(seven syllables) Horrible plastic surgery
(five syllables) Drunkard prostitute
(three syllables) Vile bar rag
How's that? |
I feel my Haikuish juices starting to flow. 
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Everybody Have Fun Tonight
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 11527
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