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rohn
 Posted:
Tue Jun 27, 2006 12:41 pm |
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ROHN Playhouse Presents
THE THREE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY FIFTH NIGHT
or
A COMEDY OF ERRORS
or
A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S NIGHTMARE
by William Rohnspeare
SCENE ONE THE BATTLEMENTS OF FORT ZOUTMAN, ORANJESTAD
Rohn (a courtier) How now former deputy chief? How goes the watch?
Dompig: Welcome good Rohn. The watch both quiet and troubled be
And unrelenting wind doth blow toward the sea.
Rohn: What, has this thing appeared again tonight?
Dompig: I have seen nothing.
Noble Richardson doth believe
That this dreaded sight be but mine fantasy.
Rohn: Is there no hope of news to break upon the horizon?
Dompig: The news remains as it has always been:
Uncertain, doubtful and exceeding grim.
Rohn: Has no one come forward to claim the prize?
Dompig: No mouse yet stirs that is worthy of such cheese.
How can a case resolve with such clues as these?
ENTER AN APPARITION. IT IS A YOUNG GIRL WITH LONG BLONDE HAIR
Dompig: I must break off.
For see there it comes again.
Looks it not like her? Mark it well Rohn.
Rohn: I see nothing before me but empty space.
Dompig: I am filled with such fear and wonder
That my eyes do seek to fold within my head.
Thus twice before at this deadly hour
Hath she appeared upon my watch.
See how she floats above the parapets
And doth now turn to face the shore
Whereupon the lighthouse is her gaze transfixed
I must again search there with my pointed sticks.
Rohn: In truth, sheath thy pointed sticks for nothing is there.
Dompig Her hair and face in such ghostly apparition
Doth so truly appear
And compared to hotel videos,
Doth present itself more clear
In form so fair; but soft it now doth fade away.
THE APPARITION SLOWLY LEAVES
Dompig: Stop, stay and speak .
If thine spirit walks abroad in death
Tell us whereof thou doth before us come
Either to torment or to portend
And why dost thou abjure the sun?
Dost thou intend to us to say
Thy earthly form has been stripped away?
Or does thy presence here foretell
That in another place thou dost living dwell?
(ENTER ADOLPHO RICHARDSON)
Richardson: How now Dompig, what sayest thou?
Dompig: I muse upon the ocean blue, my lord.
Richardson: Thou speakest of Natalee, methinks.
Dompig: Verily my Lord, I speak not of her.
Richardson: Give thy thoughts no tongue, Dompig.
And every man thine ear, but none thy voice.
Rohn: But soft, the king approaches.
Oduber: O pernicious woman.
Damned, damned, grieving witch.
Dompig: Of whom doth he speak?
Rohn: Methinks he doth speak of MacBeth Holloway:
Oduber: BLAAA-GG-GGGHG UH HUG BLAGHHHHHH
Dompig: By my troth, he hath from his mouth and in a mighty stream
Reversed the course of his latest meal
Richardson: Wherefore doth he mewl and puke?
Rohn: Whenever the name of that wench in his presence be spoken
The noble king to upchucking is reduced.
Richardson: How now your majesty.
Jettisoning the cargo of thy stomach ill becomes thee.
Tis but a mortal woman this lady be.
Oduber: No woman born to woman is this.
She does persevere in obstinate condolement
and most stubborn and unwomanly bitterness.
For I have seen her heart and so baleful a sight
I ne’er should wish to view again.
Dompig: Prithee, how might we help thou contain thy dins?
The entire kingdom rests on needles and pins.
Oduber: Alas tis true
On this isle once tranquil
Tumult now rules.
Kin with kin and kind with kind doth confound.
Disorder, horror, fear, diminished tourism and sales tax
Now shall here inhabit.
Richardson: Be not woebegone my Lord
For I bring news
Of evidence long held in Neptune’s bosom.
Oduber: I knew not that Neptune a bosom possessed!
Pray tell noble Richardson,
Where this evidence doth now reside
For I wish to see it with mine own eyes.
Richardson:These past fortnights four,
The evidence has been in Holland kept
To be examined by those
Well versed and trained in the science of death.
Oduber: And of what manner or substance does this evidence consist?
Richardson: It is a weight of lead my lord,
Employed in manner most foul, we believe
To hold fast underwater the body of Natalee.
Oduber: When shall the results of this morbid examination be revealed?
Richardson: In truth my Lord, this very eve
A forensic report did I receive.
Oduber: Torment me no further Richardson and reveal
The letter thou now hast under seal.
Richardson:The letter herein doth clearly state
“The thing examined is a leaden weight.”
Oduber: Of what more does the letter speak?
Richardson: There is no more but void, my Lord.
Oduber: Oh wretched and accursed am I!!
In truth, the leaden weight so described,
Rests atop the shoulders of those damned examiners.
That they should require such length of time to determine
That which their eyes should in an instant have confirmed.
Richardson: Be still my lord.
Oduber: Enough of this disgraceful travesty!
Thou have all wasted time enough and now doth time waste me.
Richardson: Oh noble king, the course of true investigation never did run smooth.
Oduber: A pox upon thee and thy minions!!
On morrow’s morn
Bring forward all those involved to present themselves
Before my privy councilors and me.
To explain, if such is possible,
How came this farce to be.
EXEUNT
SCENE II -- THE COURT OF KING ODUBER.
IT IS MORNING
Oduber: Now with all assembled here
The truth at last will be revealed
And by its revelation shall thus obtain
The very end of reckoning.
Noble Rohn, summon forth the first wretch
Who shall by me examined be.
Rohn: Let Joran Van Der Sloot be summoned hence
To lend his voice to this event.
Oduber: Thou art Joran Van Der Sloot?
Joran: I am Joran and no other my lord.
Oduber: And art thou forsworn this very day
To honestly speak of that fateful night
And by so doing bring truth to light?
Joran: I shall openly draw upon those facts
That within me reside.
Oduber: Look to thy comportment lad!
What mean you to appear in so solemn a place
In a state of such dishevelment?
Joran: My lord, I know not whereof you speak.
Oduber: To present such manner of mien
Doth betoken disrespect to me and the Queen
Joran: My lord, by my troth, no dissing did I intend.
Oduber: Fix thy gaze upon thy groin.
Joran: Gadzooks! My codpiece is askew!!!
Oduber: Attend to thy basket and then speak from thine heart
How many years hast though trod upon this earth?
Joran: In truth?
Oduber: In truth.
Joran: Full eighteen years have I traveled amongst the living.
Oduber: And yet before me do I have revealed
Information that as recently as St. Stephen’s past
Thou didst declare that o’er twenty seasons thou hast seen.
Joran: Yes, my Lord tis true enough.
Oduber: How came thou to lose such weight of time?
Joran: My lord my age I did misstate
As I was on a heavy date
With a maid whose age exceeded mine withal
And whom I did wish my ashes to haul.
Oduber: The report upon which I gaze doth state
That three different stories didst thou relate.
The first of these does provide that Natalee and thee
Didst travel with the brothers Kalpoe
And in full time thou didst deposit Natalee
At the Inn of the Holidays
Whereof from she thou took thy leave.
Does this story any truth contain?
Joran: None of which to speak my lord.
Oduber: Prithee, breathe upon me and confide
Why it is that thou didst lie.
Joran: I did not wish my parents to know
So ungentle a man was I
That I abandoned a girl on the beach at night.
The lie I told was born of fright.
Oduber: I know thy parents well
And loving and forgiving souls they are.
Not such folk as to inspire fear.
But I shall defer to thy tender years
And grant this lie conceived in cowardice be
Next thou didst depose that Natalee
didst upon the beach remain,
Alive, unharmed, though in her cups
While you with Deepak Kalpoe
Did return to thine home whence thou entered alone.
Didst thou speak the truth therein
As to how thou came to return to thy rooms?
Joran: Alas no my lord.
Oduber: Pray tell wherefore didst thou lie again
When the first lie having uncovered been
Placed thee in a predicament most dire?
Joran: My Lord, I confess that I did so
Upon the behest of Deepak Kalpoe.
Oduber: And what hold had he over thee that thou wouldst abide
By a request so devoid of right?
Joran: No hold have the Kalpoes over me my Lord.
Oduber: How come you then to explain this lie?
Joran: I am an oaf, my lord
And nothing more.
Oduber: It does appear next thou didst attest to a story
Similar to the last in that thou didst leave the girl on the beach
But differing in that thou were borne homeward
By the Kalpoe brother named Satish.
What kernel of truth doth this tale contain?
Joran: No mere kernel my lord
This tale in full strong growth stands true
As truly do here I stand before you.
Oduber: And yet the Kalpoes both do swear
That no such events transpired that eve.
How come you to explain this discrepancy
As to an event so simple to explain?
Joran: No explanation in my soul do I possess.
Oduber: The Kalpoes spoke not the truth then?
Joran: No ill of the Kalpoes shall I speak.
Oduber: Tis passing strange
That thou present so forgiving a face
Toward those whom in the frying pan
Thine sorry ass did place.
Hast now thou spoken the truth at last?
For dire punishment doth thee await
Should further lies thou hath proffered
And further falseness didst thou state.
Joran: I have sworn to speak the truth my lord
And truly have and so in truth am forced to tell thee
Another lie, or twenty-three
And there shall no consequences be.
Oduber: Bring forward my Chancellor
Enter Kare(i)n Jan(n)sen.
Jan(n)sen: My Lord, I do here myself present
To provide my full account.
Oduber: Lady Chancellor, what punishment hath been meted out
To young van der Sloot
In consequence of his lies?
Jan(n)sen: Why none my lord.
Oduber: His trial with respect thereto doth remain pending then?
Jan(n)sen: No such trial doth pend
As there are no charges to which he must attend.
Oduber: Bring forth the next witness.
Rohn: I call upon the Kalpoes
Satish and Deepak
Deepak: How can’st thy still not master the pronunciation of mine name
Thou with a head more like a beetle than a cat.
Oduber: Thou art most impious and irritable!
Look to thy surliness and take care
That it not lead thee to a place most cruel
Wherein thy sharp tongue shall be duller made.
Deepak: Enough with the BS already.
Oduber: Thou hast spoken with mine agents
And to them hast thou said
That along with van der Sloot
Thou didst deliver Natalee to her hotel.
Didst thou thus speak the truth?
Deepak: No, we didst lie
What dost thou intend to do about it?
Oduber: Impudent knave, thou shalt see what result
Upon thee shall befall
For such deception in a manner so grave.
Further thou didst state that a security guard, a moor,
Did assist Natalee after she collapsed upon the ground.
Deepak: Aye tis true, we stated thus.
And more withal.
Oduber: I knowest this:
That thou didst identify
Two moors in particular whom in the area
Thou didst say were employed
At the time herein in issue.
And they didst suffer arrest and humiliation therefrom.
Wherefore didst thou speak so untruly?
Deepak: We thus spoke at the behest of the van der Sloots
Both Paulus and Joran to us did convey
The manner and means of such tales.
Oduber: But what reason had you within your breasts
To hearken unto such foul advice?
Satish: Methinks he talks like Joda
Deepak: Ai ai ai ai ai ai ai
Satsih: Ai ai ai ai ai ai ai
Deepak: Bum! Penis!!!! Slut!!!!
Satish and Ai ai ai. Ayeeeeeee ai ai ai ai oh oh oh ai
Deepak ai ai ai ai ai ai ai ayeee hah ai ai
Oduber: What means this vulgar cackling
That fills the air like locusts
About to settle upon the Pharaoh’s lands?
Truly this is a tale told by two idiots.
Deepak: Bring on the trial already
No further shall we speak.
Oduber: A plague on both thy houses
But as thou neither Montague nor Capulet be
Two plagues upon thine house alone alight.
Remove these gackles from my sight
So that I might no more gaze upon them
Nor their sounds endure.
Chancellor, hie thee hither!
Jan(n)sen: Yes my lord
What say you?
Oduber: Pray tell me what punishment upon these two
Shall I, for their lies, have the pleasure to impose.
Jan(n)sen: None my lord for they have committed no offence at law.
Oduber: My common sense is beggared by this news.
But still I must in faith endure.
Noble Rohn, fetch thee before me the suspect next
That I might examine his manure.
Rohn: Steven Croes shall forthwith attendwith herewith
Oduber: Noble, Rohn. Stifle thy stupidity
If such manner of foolishness it be possible to suppress.
There be already enough here on display
To sate all kindergartens of the world this day.
ENTER STEVEN CROES
Oduber: Be thou Steven Croes?
Croes: Yes my Lord, I am that man that thou has named.
Oduber: Be thou related to other Croes who do upon this island reside
And with alarming frequency
Involved in an aspect of this case be?
Croes: No my lord.
Oduber: A murder of Crows it doth seem
Do peck upon the bones of these events.
And murder most foul it may be.
Thou didst testify falsely, didst thou not
That thou hast witnessed Van Der Sloot and the Kalpoes all
Deliver Natalee to her hotel,
When in fact no such thing had thou seen?
Croes: My Lord tis true, I did so misstate the truth.
Oduber: Art thou friends with van der Sloot?
Croes: No my Lord, I know him not.
Oduber: Be thou closely tied to the brothers Kalpoe?
Croes: No my lord, I know them not, except by passing sight.
Odurber: Were thou involved in any untoward event
involving the maiden Natalee?
Croes: No my lord. I knew not the maid
Nor what happenstance may to her have occurred.
Oduber: In the absence of such interest
Why then didst thou lie?
Croes: One day I o’erheard the Kalpoes
Discuss their situation
And ruminate upon their intended deception
I wished to lend unto them my good faith.
Oduber: Neither a lender nor a borrower be.
And see thine explanation doth such credit lack.
Wherefore did thou not wish to lend unto the police
Tthy good faith, Should any such faith in thee reside.
Croes: I have no answer that I can give my Lord.
Oduber: That much said, I do believe
But all else thou sayest to deceive.
Lady Chancellor.
Jan(n)sen: Reveal thy mind to me by thine words my lord.
Oduber: Please tell me that this dismal spongy giglet
Hath just punishment received
For the scurvy lie
He did so contrive.
Jan(n)sen: No punishment hath been meted out upon him my lord.
Oduber: And to what punishment may he in the future be exposed?
Jan(n)sen):Why none my lord.
Oduber: How come they all just punishment outrun
And fools of us create?
Jan(n)sen: Our laws permit no such punishments my lord.
Oduber: And yet thereby does permit the crippling of all inquiries
and so doth impose punishment on
the blameless people of this Isle
who upon us do depend.
Bring forward the next youth.
Rohn: Have Geoffrey Van Comvoirt here be produced.
Oduber: You are Geoffrey Van Cromvoirt?
Geoffrey: Yes my Lord.
Oduber: Why dost thou stand in tortured posture thus?
Lower thy shirt, I need not view thy nipples, nor thy ribs
Rohn, wherefore doth he contort his visage
into the shape of a sphincter?
Rohn: Thou mayest not believe it your majesty,
But many maid do find that such a pose
Doth stoke the ardour of their loins
And cause their modesty to be abandoned.
For look there, how that maiden
From within the crowd doth leap
And kneeling before Van Cromvoirt
Upon his knob doth hungrily gobble.
Oduber: Away with both of them.
Although in truth so a talented knob-gobbler
She doth seem to be
That ere didst upon a knob gobble.
Lady Chancellor!
Jan(n)sen: I am yours.
Oduber: Wherefore was knob gobbled van Cromvoirt arrested?
Jan(n)sen: It was upon tales told by Michael Dompig
Whose provenance was determined later to be
Of suspect character and quality
Occasioned perhaps by some adolescent jealousy.
Oduber: Pray did this jealousy involve the gobbling of knobs?
Jan(n)sen: Nay my lord it did not
Although young Dompig did later confess
To having van Cromvoirt untruly defamed.
Oduber: And to what nature or form of punishment
For encouraging so false an arrest was Dompig exposed?
Jan(n)sen: Why none my Lord.
Oduber: T’would be a fanciful flight to suppose
That such punishment migh one day await young Dompig?
Answer me not!
Neither mine ears nor my brain could scarce accept
What I fear the contents of thy response might be.
Who next remains to be examined, noble Rohn?
Rohn: Er.
Oduber: Tarry not in thy slothful manner and bring forward the…
Rohn: A word my lord.
Oduber: What manner of silliness is this?
Thy behaviour doth expose thee to the weight of my wrath.
Which wrath thou shall suffer in full measure
Unless thou possess the wherewithal to lie to the police,
Whereupon immunity shall to thee be granted
And freedom be thine only punishment.
Rohn: My lord, the witness next scheduled be one
Whose name cannot be mentioned in your presence.
Oduber: And doth she in Alabama reside?
Rohn: Yes my Lord.
Oduber: I must gird my stomach and my most kingly bearing need
In order for this venture to conclude. Proceed!
Rohn: Bring before the court Macbeth Holloway
Oduber: Be still my roiling bowels.
Let not the tempest within me o’ertake
Lest in…lest in…lest in…
BLAGGGG UGGGHH BLA BLA BLA BLA BLAAAAGHHHH
Rohn: How now, the king doth again
Adorn his shoes with his breakfast.
Attend to his majesty! Summon the physician!
Oduber: Be still, be still, I must now my own strength summon up
That I might stand before her
And cause her to present her true account.
For all to see.
Be thou MacBeth Holloway?
Beth: Well, thou knowest, yes.
Oduber: And hast thou made accusations against this Isle so foul
As to pollute the very air around thy mouth?
Beth: Well, thou knowest, I have said that corruption
Here reigns o’er all.
Oduber: Wherefore such an accusation doth thou present?
Beth: Well, thou knowest, of the youths heretofore examined,
Young van der Sloot did confess
To forcing his way and will upon my daughter
In a manner most immodest, indecent and foul
While she did fall asleep, perchance to dream.
And despite this confession, did your courts let slip from him
The bonds of detention
So as to protect one of their noble families from shame.
Oduber: What proof, if any could exist,
Dost thou have that any events thus numerated
Have indeed transpired?
Beth: Well thou knowest, I have a statement,
The signature of van der Sloot
Having been duly affixed thereto,
Wherein he does confess to the evil that I did describe
And therefore a sexual predator
Thou hast released into the countryside.
Oduber: Thou dost disgrace and impeach me here
With thy slander’s venomous spear.
So enraged am I in spirit that I shall abandon this tiresome
device of meter and rhyming couplets
And shall perchance even a predicate
Toward the start of a sentence place.
Beth: Well thou knowest, tis slander not.
Oduber: No tis indeed a slander whose edge be sharper than a sword
Brought forth by a tongue more venomous
Than all the snakes that in the Mississippi dwell.
Cottonmouth, Copperhead and Rattler all
Contain less poison than thou dost produce withal.
Beth: Well, thou knowest, I don’t agree.
Oduber: Produce thy proof or hold thy rancid tongue.
Beth: Well, thou knowest, now here the statement do I produce
Gaze upon it.
Thou canst no more deny the facts therein contained
Than thy footprints upon the sand
Oduber: Verily, it does contain that which you stated
And a signature does appear affixed.
Lady Chancellor!
Jan(n)sen: Yes my Lord.
Oduber: What make you of this?
Jan(n)sen: It is but a forgery my lord and a crude one at that.
Oduber: MacBeth, how came you into possession of this document?
Beth: Well thou knowest, I obtained it from Jossy Mansur.
Oduber: Did’st thou know of this Chancellor?
Jan(n)sen: Oh yes my lord.
Oduber: And thus, Lady MacBeth, dost thine own evidence
Corrupted proven be.
How say you now?
Beth: Well, thou knowest, I see not what materiality
That allegation doth possess.
Oduber: Fie upon thee!!!
A document so full of deceit
Hath been uttered and proffered as truth
By that crusty flap-mouthed clot hole Mansur?
Prithee tell me Jan(n)sen what punishment has he received
For so devious and mendacious an act.
Jan(n)sen: Why none my lord.
Oduber: This pestilent rump-fed turd Mansur
Doth verily a quicksand of deceit be
Swallowing within all that might rest upon him.
Whereupon Macbeth doth willingly lie
And by lying thus doth diminish her case.
Enough I can bear no more.
I summon my counselors to retire with me
and there to determine what conclusions shall be.
Rohn: I thought thou hast said that thou woulds’t
Thine rhyming couplets abandon.
Oduber: Rohn, thou an asshole art!
SCENE THREE
THE KINGS OFFICES. PRESENT ARE ODUBER, ROHN AND JAN(N)SEN.
Oduber: Oh weary this day has made me
And though such weariness doth my body o’erwhelm
Another sleepless night I fear doth me await.
Noble Jan(n)sen attend to my question.
Jan(n)sen: Prithee Sirrah, pose thy question unto me
And such answer shall I provide as my wits might allow.
Oduber: How comes it to pass
That full one half dozen persons
Have in so foul and purposeful a manner deceived
As to foil the purpose of our just enterprise
And yet have escaped all punishment?
Jan(n)sen: The law does not permit such punishment.
Oduber: If that be the law then the law is a ass.
Rohn: The Dickens you say.
Oduber: Rohn, why dost thou quote Jed Clampett?
Rohn: Twas not Jed Clampett I intended to invoke
For thou thyself in saying the “law is a ass”
Did to Charles Dickens refer
And not to Shakespeare as befits the idiom herein constructed.
Oduber: I shall thy idiom construct thou fool.
At long last I have had my fill of thee
I order thee arrested for thine offence
Guards. Draw thy blades and seize yon half-blind feline
And from here hie him hence
Unto the prison where
He shall endure a life most spare.
Rohn: Hold thy swords awhile I pray.
Noble Jan(n)sen I must tell thee
That upon the eve of Natalee’s vanishing
I did see her limp body transported
By three men of oriental face
Unto a vessel which having loosed its moorings wide
Slipped away and sailed east unto Curacao
There to be borne upon the tide.
Jan(n)sen: Be this true?
Rohn: No, it be a bald faced lie,
But it is a lie the telling of which
Doth inoculate me against seizure or detention
And thus provide me with legal protection
From the righteous wrath of the king.
Oduber: Surely this not be so.
Jan(n)sen: Alas my lord so it be.
And thus has it always been
And so it should always be.
Oduber: I can no longer stand this farce.
Law or no, dost not thou see
That in such a manner we
Shall never uncover the truth of Natalee?
Jan(n)sen: My Lord art thou prepared to abandon noble tradition
In order to obtain
A fleeting chance of discovery
For this one girl’s sake?
Oduber: Art we not a constitutional monarchy?
Jan(n)sen: We are my lord.
Oduber: Then like all such states, the homeland of Rohn as well
We are beset with silly traditions in such abundance
As to pave the road to eternity and back,
So one less such folly shall not be missed.
I order that these boys and Mansur be placed under arrest.
ENTER THE PHYSICIAN
Rohn: Soft, who goes there?
Physician: It is I, the Duke of Noord.
Oduber: What brings thee to this place?
Physician: I was summoned here to attend upon the king.
Oduber: It was an ill humour that has now passed
Return thee to thine home good doctor
For no need of thee now have we here.
Physician: I come not solely for that one reason alone
For other news must I to thee convey
Oduber: What news does thou possess
That might of interest to me be?
Physician: Thou wishest, if thine words upon my entry
I did correctly comprehend,
That those who have deflected the direction of this investigation
And blurred its focus, all shall punished be?
Oduber: Thou hast truly stated my desires doctor
I am yours.
Physician: Thou has no need to devise such a path
For their punishment is already in place.
And thine as well perhaps
Oduber: What meanst thou by this riddle?
Physician: In accord with the instructions I did last day receive
I did conduct an examination of the boys
And Dompig and Mansur as well.
And did discover that their bodies do contain
A mineral most damaging so far as I might ascertain.
Oduber: What mineral be this, noble physician?
Physician: Lead my lord.
Oduber: Lead. How say you?
Physician: From the oil refineries my lord
Silent unseen lead did creep upon the land and sea and beach.
It fell with the rain and the soil of gardens it did pollute
And it settled upon the food in the market place
To be consumed by unknowing persons
And into their bodies and minds was absorbed.
Oduber: I suffer no symptoms of such poisoning.
Physicians:The symptoms may quite subtle be.
Thou hast trouble reaching the land of Nod
And the unceasing tempest in thy stomach
And thy excessive nervousness and irritability
Do all portend a poisoning most foul.
Oduber: This be but rank speculation.
Physician: Nay a simple test it shall reveal.
Oduber: Lay on thy test Noord.
Physician: I must ask thee to smile most broadly my lord
So that thine gums to mine eyes be revealed.
Oduber: I feel not like smiling but thus with ill humour I comply.
Physician: Ahhhh. The blue spotted ring of lead
Hath left its trace upon thine gums
By the border of thy teeth.
A sign so certain of the poison that courses through thy veins.
Oduber: And the others who came this day before me
Are they so besieged by this dread affliction?
Physician: Long years have they here resided
And upon young the element doth more efficiently
It’s grisly work perform.
Thou sees’t in their demeanour
For their senses, morals and judgments all retarded be.
And like thee in restlessness they do comb the night
As from their bodies soft sleep takes flight.
Jan(n)sen: In thankful praise do I drop upon my knees
That I have been spared afflictions such as these.
Physician: Thinks’t thou that thou art immune
To the very water, air and land
In and upon which thou dwell?
Come before this mirror and reveal thy gums.
And see what doth the image tell.
Jan(n)sen: I have no fear of such sight
And thus before the mirror do I appear.
Physican: See there, the spots of blue do a line create
Adjacent to thy teeth and so do predict
Thy sad and certain fate.
Jan(n)sen: Thou art certainly mistaken
It is not possible that I should so poison’d be.
Physician: There is no mistaking the nature and effect of that warrant.
Jan(n)sen: But no such symptoms as of thou spoke
Have I myself displayed.
Physician: Think thee not?
Thine prickly nature and skin so thin
As to draw offence from every perceived slight
And thus inform the manner of thy proceeding?
Thine rigid fealty to form
And unbending adherence to custom
When form and custom both
Hath so clearly failed thee in thy purpose?
Jan(n)sen: But I have dwelt upon this isle for so short a time
How could I so afflicted be?
Physician: Though thine time hereupon be short
Much of it hast thou spent with thine head
Firmly submerged neath the sand
And thus dids’t such unbending attitude permit
The deadly advance of this element.
Oduber: Good physician lay on and ply thy trade
Rid us of this meddlesome metal.
Physician: Alas in thee both as in all I have this past day seen
The metal has taken such hold,
That no tested cure exists that will fully expunge it
From within.
Jan(n)sen: Tested cure dids’t thou say?
Be there a method as yet unprov’n
In manner of experiment
That might from our bodies
Purge this toxic waste?
And if that be so.
Impose upon my body such novel improvement
So that I might be free of these accursed spots.
Oduber: So only now thou dost seek
Sweet innovation to embrace to thy breast?
Whereas heretofore thou were content
To rely upon the past and curse the present
As earlier to Dickens did I refer
Now from Chaucer I shall draw a quote
“Time and tide wait for no prosecutor”
And thou hast bitterly squandered both.
Jan(n)sen: Out, out damned spots I say
One, two, three – so many be there before mine eyes
The taste of lead doth linger still
All the sugary liquid in Aruba will
Not sweeten this mouth.
Rohn: And what of me good doctor.
Am I thus infected?
Physician: No, thou but a simple doofus be.
Idiocy and idleness doth for thy behaviour fully account.
Rohn: That is a great relief unto me.
That an idiot by nature was I made
And by nature alone shall continue to be.
Oduber: What fate awaits us
and van der Sloot, the Kalpoes, Dompig
And others so afflicted?
Physician: Thy delusions and thy misapprehensions shall increase
As thy liver, its functions do decline
And being thus increasingly unable to filter out the metal
Despair, torment and hallucinations shall o’ertake thy mind.
And on some sleepless, windswept night,
Thou may find thyselves upon the parapet
And from there looking out to sea
Whereupon a vision of a young woman
Upon thy sight may intrude
And beckon that you follow she.
Oduber: Bitter irony doth herein reside
That the lead that perhaps bore Natalee to her rest
Us now to our own end doth guide.
ALL EXIT BUT ROHN
Rohn: For a cat such as I a slice it has been
For the poisonous lead I outran.
There is, kind friends, much good to be had
In taking thy meals from a can.
Last edited by rohn on Tue Jun 27, 2006 2:45 pm; edited 2 times in total
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 1167
Location: Toronto, Ontario
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| Hannie
Posted:
Tue Jun 27, 2006 12:54 pm |
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Brilliant Rohnspeare!!!  
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li'l Shango's Mommy
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 23202
Location: The Hague, The Netherlands
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| Nena
Posted:
Tue Jun 27, 2006 1:16 pm |
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Rohn...
thou hath great humour in all good luck
Me thinkst thou would makeith a fine Puck
with Thine queries of McBeth and company
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
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Joined: 24 Mar 2006
Posts: 1441
Location: 4° C
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| CSI
Posted:
Tue Jun 27, 2006 1:19 pm |
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| Nena wrote: | Rohn...
thou hath great humour in all good luck
Me thinkst thou would makeith a fine Puck
with Thine queries of McBeth and company
Lord, what fools these mortals be! |
Ditto!!! 
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 2272
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| Fiery
Posted:
Tue Jun 27, 2006 1:22 pm |
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| CSI wrote: | | Nena wrote: | Rohn...
thou hath great humour in all good luck
Me thinkst thou would makeith a fine Puck
with Thine queries of McBeth and company
Lord, what fools these mortals be! |
Ditto!!! |
You are so amazing. You craft the word into a fine sculpture.
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Who died and made YOU Darth Vader?
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 8848
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| pax
Posted:
Tue Jun 27, 2006 1:26 pm |
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Whoa. Lady Macbeth Holloway. Jed Clampett. Rohnspeare, thou hast outdone thyself. What fools and knaves thou hast shoon these imbeciles be. I laughed so hard I almost fell off this mortal coil.
Damn, I'm lousy at this stuff, but what Nena said.
You rocketh my world, Rohnspeare.
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 16326
Location: Wish You Were Here
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| JesseLee
Posted:
Tue Jun 27, 2006 1:28 pm |
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All the world's a stage, Rohn, and all the men and women merely players -- as you so brilliantly describe in this trage-comedy! Hats off to you yet again! Rohnspeare indeed!
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Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 2458
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| Gabrielle
Posted:
Tue Jun 27, 2006 1:53 pm |
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Bravo Rohn.
Standing ovation.
(I almost peed my pants when the Kalpoe brothers were brought in.)
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**Deactivated**
Joined: 23 Mar 2006
Posts: 3319
Location: in a dark place...
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